Phil Wickham - Psalm 23 (Official Music Video) ft. Tiffany Hudson

Looking From Outside - ChatGPT October 2024

 Caring for two profoundly disabled adult children at age seventy-two

The sadness of being a 72-year-old father of two adult disabled children is a deeply emotional and multifaceted experience. At an age when most people expect a more peaceful pace of life, this father remains engaged in the demanding and unrelenting role of caregiving, with the additional responsibility to earn an extra income to do so. The sadness he feels may stem from multiple layers of loss, worry, and fatigue, all while grappling with immense love and dedication toward his family.

Passage of Time and Physical Limitations

One of the most heartbreaking aspects of this situation is the passage of time itself. At 72, the father is likely dealing with the physical limitations that come with aging: diminished strength, slower recovery from illness or fatigue, and possible health issues. Where once he might have cared for his children with ease or stayed up late to care for them, he now finds himself physically exhausted, perhaps even in pain, as he attends to their daily needs.

This sometimes creates a sense of deep frustration. There is sadness in feeling your body no longer cooperates with your mind’s desire to care for those you love deeply. Every task takes more energy, every movement is slower, and the simple act of lifting or helping a child may cause discomfort. The physical demands of caregiving – grooming, medical needs to emotional support, become harder and harder to meet, and with this comes a sense of helplessness. The father is caught in a body that can’t keep up with the responsibilities of love and care.

Unwavering Love, Unyielding Responsibility

Despite the weariness and the physical strain, his love for his children and his family remains constant. This love, however, comes with an unyielding responsibility. There is no escape from the daily routines that define his life as a caregiver. The sadness here comes from the realisation that this responsibility will not end, that his family will always need him in ways that may never diminish or change.

The weight of this love can feel heavy at times. It’s not that the father wishes his children were different or resents them, but rather that he must live with the knowledge that his life is inextricably tied to theirs, for better or worse. This love, beautiful as it is, comes with immense sacrifice, and at 72, the father may feel the emotional toll more keenly than ever.

Isolation and Loneliness

As an aging father of adult disabled children, he faces significant social isolation. As the father’s life revolves around the needs of his children and family, he may find himself distanced from friends, peers, relatives and community. While others his age enjoy the freedom of retirement, travel, or hobbies, his days are filled with routines, and caregiving. Social invitations may dwindle, or he may feel unable to participate in activities outside the home due to the constant demands of his children’s care.

This isolation can lead to profound loneliness. He may have few opportunities to share his feelings with others who understand his unique situation. Conversations with peers, friends and relatives might feel shallow or irrelevant when his life is so consumed by caregiving. The absence of a social network or support system compounds the sadness, creating a sense of being forgotten or left behind by the world outside.

Fear for the Future

One of the most painful sources of sadness is the overwhelming fear of the future. At 72, the father knows that he won’t be around forever. His body reminds him of this every day. What will happen to his children and his wife when he is no longer able to care for them? Who will take on the responsibility that he has carried for so long? Will they be treated with the same love and dedication? Will they suffer in his absence?

These questions weigh heavily on his mind. The fear of leaving his family in a world that may not fully understand or care for them as he does is a constant source of anxiety. He may also grapple with feelings of guilt or despair, knowing that he cannot guarantee their well-being after he is gone. This is a sorrow that cuts deeply, as it touches on both the future and his own mortality.

Grief Over Lost Years

There is also a quieter, more subtle form of sadness—grief over the life that could have been. While the father loves his children deeply and wouldn’t trade them for anything, it’s natural to mourn the loss of certain dreams or experiences. He may have imagined a later life with travel, relaxation with his wife, or pursuing long-delayed personal goals.  Instead, he remains in the role of caregiver, with limited time or space for himself.

This grief doesn’t diminish his love for his children, but it does reflect the complex emotional landscape of caregiving. The father may feel torn between his devotion to his children and the quiet ache for the years that have slipped away, consumed by responsibility.

Moments of Joy and Connection

Amidst the sadness and some days exhaustion, there are also moments of joy, connection, and deep love. Caring for his children, the father may experience moments of profound connection, within the sadness, that reminds him why he continues to persevere. A shared touch, caress, smile, a moment of laughter, or the simple act of holding his child’s hand can bring a sense of love, peace and fulfilment. These moments, though fleeting, provide him with the strength to continue despite the challenges.

His love for his children is unconditional, and in these small but powerful moments, he may feel a sense of purpose that transcends the sadness. He knows that, in his role as caregiver, he is providing them with a life of dignity and love that only he can offer.

A Complex Journey of Love and Loss

A complex, emotionally challenging journey at 72. The sometimes sadness comes from many places — especially from physical exhaustion, fear for the future, social isolation, and the grief of a life that has been defined by caregiving. Yet, this sadness is intertwined with love, dedication, and resilience.

As the father continues to care for his children, he does so knowing that his role is both a privilege and a huge challenge. His life, while sometimes filled with deep sorrow, is also marked by moments of profound love and connection. This is the paradox of caregiving at an advanced age: the deep sadness of a life consumed by responsibility, and the equally deep love that sustains it.

Praying that God help this father.