Asking For Help

Many of us are quick to offer help to others but struggle when it comes to asking for help ourselves. Why is that? As Christians, we are known for our generosity and willingness to assist those in need. However, when it’s our turn to seek help, we often hesitate. Let’s explore why that is—and why asking for help is not only okay but also glorifies God.

The Reluctance to Ask for Help

Churches frequently establish benevolent funds to support members going through financial hardships. Most of us gladly contribute to these funds, eager to help those in need. But when the tables turn, and we are the ones facing challenges, we often resist seeking assistance.

One common reason is that we don't want to burden others. Many of us would rather go without—sometimes even at the expense of our families—than impose on someone else. However, the Bible challenges this mindset. Galatians 6:2 reminds us to “Bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” God's design for us is not self-sufficiency but a supportive Christian community where burdens are shared.

Another reason we shy away from asking for help is the fear of appearing weak or vulnerable. We convince ourselves that no one can or wants to help us. Yet, this reluctance can sometimes stem from pride. Proverbs 11:2 warns, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.”

Asking for help—especially financial help—requires humility. It can be difficult to admit mistakes or acknowledge needs, but it’s an opportunity for growth. Whether our difficulties arise from poor decisions or unforeseen circumstances, God can use them to shape our character and deepen our dependence on Him.

Biblical Examples of Receiving Help

Even the Apostle Paul, a pillar of faith, received financial support for his ministry. In Philippians 4:19, he expresses gratitude, saying, “And this same God who takes care of me will supply all of your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.”

Furthermore, Jesus Himself accepted help from others. Luke 8:1-3 tells us that Mary Magdalene, Joanna, and Susanna provided financial support for His ministry. If the Son of God was willing to receive help, shouldn't we be willing to do the same?

If you find yourself in need, start by sharing your situation with your church community. Even if no one within the church can help directly, they might know someone who can. The Body of Christ is a vast network of believers who are ready and willing to offer support in various ways.

Seeking help not only benefits you but also provides others with an opportunity to fulfill their calling to generosity. When we withhold our needs, we deny them the blessing of giving.

Asking for Help Glorifies God

The ultimate reason to ask for help? It glorifies God. In 2 Corinthians 12:9, Paul writes, “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” Acknowledging our weakness allows God’s strength to shine through and reminds us of our dependence on Him.

When you pray and ask God for help, He often answers through people and opportunities, not supernatural interventions. 1 John 5:14 assures us that “if we ask anything according to his will, He hears us.”

By seeking help, we acknowledge our reliance on God, invite others to be part of His provision, and foster a deeper sense of community and mutual support.

 If you're facing financial difficulties, don't hesitate to ask for help. Whether it's from your church, a trusted friend, or even a financial advisor, remember that seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it's an act of faith and humility.

 

 

 

When you have adult disabled children you care for, and a wife suffering from a life-threatening cardiovascular disease - what is realistic about my fears.

 It's understandable and completely realistic to have significant fears about old age when you are caring for adult disabled children and your wife has a heart condition. This is a complex situation with multiple layers of concern. Let's break down what's realistic about your fears:

1. The "What If Something Happens to Me?" Fear (Highly Realistic):

Your Role as Primary Caregiver: You are likely the linchpin of support for both your children and your wife. Your illness, incapacitation, or death would create an immediate and profound crisis for your family.

Financial Impact: Loss of your income (if you're working) or the financial resources you manage would be devastating. Even with your children’s disability grants, the cost of care can be substantial.

Physical Care and decision-making: Who would manage the daily hands-on care your disabled children require? This is often the most immediate and pressing concern. Who would make medical, financial, and daily living decisions for your children if you were unable to?

2. The "Who Will Care for Them When I'm No Longer Able?" Fear (Highly Realistic):

Aging and Diminishing Capacity: As you age, your physical strength, stamina, and cognitive function may decline, making it increasingly difficult to provide the level of care your children need, especially if they have significant physical challenges.

Your Wife's Health: Your wife's heart condition adds another layer of vulnerability. She may not be able to step into your shoes, or her own health may decline, leaving both her and your children without support.

Lack of Successor Caregiving: Many parents in your situation worry about who, if anyone, will be willing and able to take on the caregiving role.

Institutional Care Concerns: The fear of your children ending up in inadequate or impersonal institutional care is a very common and realistic worry, especially given past and current issues in some care facilities.

3. Financial Sustainability (Highly Realistic):

Long-Term Care Costs: The costs associated with lifelong care for disabled individuals can be astronomical, encompassing medical expenses, specialized equipment, therapy, personal care assistants, and suitable housing.

Depletion of Savings: Your savings and assets may be depleted over time to cover these costs, leaving little for your own old age or for your children's future.

Inflation: The cost of living and care will only increase over time, eroding the purchasing power of fixed incomes or savings.

Government Support Limitations: While disability grants and other government support exist, they don't cover the full scope of needs, and eligibility criteria can change.

4. Social and Emotional Isolation (Highly Realistic):

Strain on Relationships: The intense demands of caregiving can strain relationships with friends and family members alike.

Limited Social Life: Your ability to engage in social activities, hobbies, and personal pursuits may be severely limited, leading to isolation and burnout.

Emotional Burden: The constant worry, stress, and grief associated with your situation can take a significant toll on your mental and emotional health.

Your Wife's Well-being: Your wife's heart condition adds to the emotional burden for both of you, as you worry about her health in addition to your children's.

5. Future Planning Complexities (Realistic):

Legal Guardianship/Power of Attorney: Establishing proper legal frameworks for your children's future care and financial management is crucial but can be complex.

Special Needs Trusts: Setting up a special needs trust is often necessary to protect assets for your children without jeopardizing their eligibility for government benefits, but this requires careful planning.

Housing Solutions: Finding appropriate and accessible housing that can accommodate your children's needs as they age (and you age) can be a major challenge.

In summary, your fears are not only realistic but also deeply valid. You are facing a confluence of significant challenges that would daunt anyone. The key now is to acknowledge these fears and use them as motivation to proactively plan and mitigate the risks.

The next step would be to explore potential solutions and resources to address these fears.

https://gemini.google.com/

South African Social Security Agency (SASSA) and disability grants for persons Like Anke and Markus.

I (like many other parents of adult disabled children) am facing a very difficult situation, I feel frustrated and overwhelmed in the light of having to change over to a basic bank account for each of my disabled children, or switching to new SASSA disability grant cards before the 20th of March 2025 (both options difficult as my children are profoundly disabled and can therefore not go and open a bank account or que somewhere to sign up for a new SASSA card). 

The challenges parents experience in opening bank accounts for their disabled children (the preferred safe option as opposed to finding a safe ATM every month to withdraw grants), highlight a significant gap in the banking system, as my children cannot go into a bank to open their own bank accounts.

Here's a breakdown of the challenges.  

Why the Bank Account Obstacle Exists:

Should banks not make an exception in situations like this, maybe to get past financial conventional regulations? I know banks are heavily regulated to prevent fraud and money laundering, and that these regulations require in-person verification of the account holder's identity as a standard practice globally. Why can’t a bank do a home visit to verify that the disabled person exists and verify their bona fides and open a bank account for them?

I do not have the financial means to pay for legal services to possibly obtain capacity and power of attorney or a court order:

Banks need to establish that the person opening the account has the legal capacity to do so. In cases where an individual is profoundly disabled, this becomes complex and banks might require a legally recognized power of attorney or court order to authorize a parent or caregiver to act on behalf of the bedridden disabled person.

Protection of Vulnerable Individuals:

I appreciate that there are regulations designed and in place to protect vulnerable individuals from exploitation. But the system fails my children (and me), because of a lack of accessibility. The current system does not adequately address the needs of individuals with severe disabilities who cannot physically open their own bank accounts. 

Insufficient Alternatives:

SASSA representatives suggesting bank accounts is helpful, but the system doesn't provide viable alternatives when physical presence is impossible.

Burden on Caregivers:

Caregivers like me and many other parents, especially parents from disadvantaged communities, already face immense burdens. The added stress of navigating complex bureaucratic processes is unacceptable.

Lack of Understanding of Profound Disabilities:

Many people do not understand the complexities of caring for profoundly disabled bedridden individuals.

Possible Solutions (that will cost money):

Exploring legal options in obtaining the services of an attorney who specialise in disability law.

Key Point:

We as elderly parents of severely disabled adult children facing similar challenges in caring for our children need help to continue advocating for our rights to obtain systemic changes that address our needs in easing the burden of caring for our children with severe disabilities.

Thank you

Pieter Labuschagne labusch@loquat.co.za

 

PERSONS WITH DISABILITIES AND HUMAN RIGHTS.

South African Human Rights Commission

The South African Constitution

South Africa is party to international laws and agreements such as the United

Nations Convention on the Rights of Persons with Disabilities (CRPD) of 2006,

which South Africa ratified in 2007 which means that the country accepts all the

legal obligations that are imposed by this instrument. The CRPD seeks to promote,

protect and ensure the full and equal enjoyment of all human rights by persons

with disabilities.

The CRPD defines persons with disabilities to include those who have long term

physical, mental, intellectual or sensory impairments, which in interaction with

various barriers may hinder their full and effective participation in society on an

equal basis. This is a clear recognition that persons with disabilities are equal and

valuable members of society and should be recognised in all aspects of life.

 

 

A Biblical Perspective on Disability is Rooted in Several Key Principles

The Image of God (Imago Dei):

The Bible teaches that all humans, regardless of ability, are created in God's image (Genesis 1:27). This means that every person possesses inherent dignity, worth, and value. Profound disability does not diminish this divine image.

God's Sovereignty and Purpose:

Christians believe that God has a purpose for every life. While the reasons for disability may not always be clear, the Bible teaches that God can use all circumstances for His glory (John 9:3).

Compassion and Care:

Jesus Christ demonstrated immense compassion for those who were suffering or marginalized. Christians are called to follow His example by showing love, care, and support to individuals with profound disabilities and their families. The Bible emphasises the importance of caring for "the least of these" (Matthew 25:40), which includes those who are vulnerable and in need.

The Body of Christ:

The Christian church is described as the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12). This metaphor highlights the interdependence of all believers. People with disabilities and their parents are valued members of the body, and their presence enriches the community.

Not a Result of Sin:

Jesus directly addressed the misconception that disability is a result of personal or parental sin (John 9:1-3). This clarifies that disability is not necessarily a punishment from God.

Hope and Eternal Perspective:

Christian faith offers hope for a future where suffering and disability will be no more (Revelation 21:4). This eternal perspective provides comfort and strength in the face of difficult circumstances.

Key takeaways from a Biblical perspective:

Individuals with profound disabilities are not defined by their limitations but by their inherent value as God's creation. The Christian community has a responsibility to provide practical and spiritual support to persons affected by disability, the disabled person as well as the parents. Disability can be an opportunity for God's love and grace to be displayed.

It's important to note that within Christianity, there are diverse ways of applying these principles. However, the core values of dignity, compassion, and hope remain central.

 

The role of the Church in disability

From a Biblical Christian perspective, the church plays a vital role in supporting families caring for a child with profound disabilities. Here's a breakdown of that role:

Core Biblical Principles.

The Body of Christ:

1 Corinthians 12 emphasizes that the church is a body with diverse members, each essential. This means families with profoundly disabled children are integral parts of the church, and the church is incomplete without them. The church is called to function as a supportive body, with each member caring for the others. 

Love and Compassion:

Jesus's example of compassion for the vulnerable (Matthew 25:31-46) calls the church to actively demonstrate love and care for families facing the unique challenges of profound disability. Galatians 6:2 instructs believers to "carry each other's burdens," which is especially relevant for these families.

Serving "the Least of These":

Matthew 25:40 reminds Christians that serving those in need is equivalent to serving Christ himself. This includes providing practical and emotional support to families caring for profoundly disabled children.

Practical Roles of the Church:

Providing practical support like respite care. Offering temporary relief to parents as caregivers like occasional meal preparation and delivery. Assistance with transportation as and if needed. Help with household chores. Financial assistance and/or resource guidance. Offering emotional and spiritual support, as needed and requested from time to time. 

Providing a supportive community where families feel accepted and understood. Offering prayer and spiritual guidance. Creating support groups for parents and siblings.

Providing counselling and emotional support. Promoting inclusion and belonging for parents, make special efforts in reaching out to parents of disabled children. Checking in with parents from time to time in person or via a phone call. 

Educating the congregation about disability awareness and what members can do to support parents. Encouraging meaningful participation in church activities. Helping parents to feel a sense of belonging. Helping church members understand the theological truths of the Imago Dei, and that all life is valuable. Helping church members understand that disability is not the result of sin.

Advocacy:

Being a voice for families and individuals with disabilities in the community. Promoting accessibility and inclusion in society.

In essence, the church is called to be a loving, supportive, and inclusive community that walks alongside families caring for profoundly disabled children, providing ongoing practical and spiritual support.

You imagine you have 2 adult children...

People sometimes tell me that they cannot imagine what it is like caring for two adult children with profound disabilities at home. I suggest they close their eyes for a moment and imagine they have two adult disabled children behind a door leading from their lounge. 

It is maybe difficult to imagine, but trying can help someone understand in a small way that it is a significant undertaking that requires immense dedication, patience, and resources.

Here's a breakdown of what it might entail:

Constant Supervision: both children need round-the-clock supervision due to their disabilities. Preventing accidents, assisting with mobility, always ensuring their safety. Bathing, dressing, and toileting as they cannot do it for themselves.

Administering medications, feeding them, bowel movement management, ordering nappies and medication. Physio when they become chesty, patting on back to get phlegm out.

Finding effective ways to communicate and understand their needs and emotions is a constant challenge as they cannot tell where they hurt, they cannot speak. You must learn to read their nonverbal communication in order to manage their needs as best you can.

As they grow older, you grow older and less strong and therefore the priority in caring becomes their comfort, as best as possible, to their individual interests, needs and abilities to help improve their quality of life.

Prepare for social isolation as a family as it is difficult for relatives and even long-term friends to deal with your reality.

Financial Strain will creep up on you. You have to learn to manage your financial resources with utmost care. No holidays, frugal is unfortunately your mantra when it comes to your own needs. Costs associated with specialised care is substantial.

Respite Care is something to plan for if possible. In our case we do take breaks from time to time alone as and when we can. Not too often though as it cost money.

We do our best in planning for the longer-term care of Anke and Markus. It unfortunately never feels that we are doing enough. Your caring takes up a lot of your waking day. 

Future Planning: Considering long-term care options and making legal and financial arrangements for their future well-being is essential.

Caring for two profoundly disabled children can be emotionally and physically draining. You experience ongoing grief over the loss of the life your children will never have, the life you envisioned for your children is long gone.

The ideal is to build a strong support network, seeking counselling, and practicing self-care but in reality, stays something to hope for as it stays a lonely journey.

The best one can do is to make the best of the journey, by the grace of God. . 

☁River Flows In You│Smooth & Relaxing 🎧 (Violin,Cello&Piano ver.)