The Dynamics of Flexibility

Best selling author Dan Millman says, “Flexibility involves a pragmatic acceptance of, rather than rigid resistance toward, the present moment, acceptance of ourselves, others, and current circumstances. This does not in any way imply passive toleration for what we don’t like, nor does it mean ignoring injustice or allowing ourselves to be victimised. Flexibility requires an alert and expansive state of awareness, it entails not just ‘going with the flow,’ but embracing and making constructive use of it. Mastering this law, we turn stumbling blocks into stepping stones and problems into opportunities.''

 

Flexibility may appear unrealistic and idealistic at first, bringing up a variety of questions, such as, “what if we’re attacked on the street, or a tragedy happens to a loved one? How do we ‘embrace’ that?” Such questions are fair and important, but the answer comes down to this: Great pleasure and great pain and injustice exist in this world. When something painful happens to a group of people, some of these people mentally resist the experience, in total shock, denial, and fear, they suffer the worst, like the tree with rigid branches that break in the wind.

Others in the group have developed the ability to bend, to accept and experience the situation fully, while keeping in touch with the bigger picture of life – with a sense of perspective about how things are. They accept their emotions and express them fully, but like the branch that bends, they do not break but snap back. Without mental rigidity or resistance, they can respond in the most effective, creative way. 

In flexibility lies great strength. With flexibility, we learn to treat sun and rain, heat and cold, as equals. We experience life as less painful, less of a struggle, by responding rather than resisting, we treat pain as a test and make the best use of it we can, if only to learn. When we view life only from the personal viewpoint of our conventional minds, we certainly won’t always feel ‘grateful’ for some events such as financial setbacks or catching the flu. This however, reminds us to expand our vision beyond ourselves to see the bigger picture so we can better appreciate that every circumstance, whether it appears positive or negative at the time, serves as an opportunity to strengthen our spirit.

Stress happens whenever the mind resists what arises in life – whether situations, people or emotions. Phrases like ‘’I’d  rather be’’ or ‘’They should (or shouldn’t) be’’ reflect our resistance to what is. By seeing everything we meet as a potential lesson that may, in the long run, make us stronger, wiser, or more whole, we get past expectations or judgements about what is and embrace life.

The serenity prayer used by Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programmes reflects the Law of Flexibility: ‘’God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’’

Flexibility avails us far more than either passivity or resistance, by actively using whatever arises, embracing even the most painful circumstances, we deal with our difficulties more effectively as we begin to see them as a form of spiritual training.

Always fall in with what you’re asked to accept. Fall in with it and turn it your way - Robert Frost