It is a wondrous thing that if you manage a small thing like a silent smile at me, unfocused eyes trying so hard to see me... a haphazard touch by your hand, planted somewhere on my body when we play wrestle on the floor. I feel your life, your significance, your purpose. I become happiness, I become healed. I understand my purpose... you are my gift...
Thursday, 29 May 2014
Monday, 26 May 2014
A new day - 27 May 2014
2 Sa-9:3
The king asked, "Is there anyone left from the family of Saul to
whom I can show some godly kindness?" Ziba told the king, "Yes, there
is Jonathan's son, disabled in both
feet."
2 Sa-9:13
Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, taking all his meals at the king's
table. He was disabled in both feet.
2 Sa-19:26
"My master the king," he said, "my servant betrayed me. I
told him to saddle my donkey so I could ride it and go with the king, for, as
you know, I am disabled.
Job-29:15 I
was eyes to the blind and feet to the disabled,
Isa-35:6 Disabled men and women will leap like
deer, the voiceless break into song.
Springs of water will burst out in the wilderness, streams flow in the desert.
Mat-11:5
The blind see, The disabled walk, Lepers are cleansed, The deaf hear, The dead are raised, The wretched
of the earth learn that God is on their side.
We are all disabled – but we are set free by the
grace of God through the blood of Jesus. Jesus our Caregiver, our Strength, Jehova
Jireh – our Provider!
Today is a new day, today
is a new beginning – all is well…
Grace
I was lost when You found me here
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still You love
I'll be a fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from You
And all I want is all of You
You pulled me close and held me near
And I'm a fool but still You love
I'll be a fool for the king of love
He gave me wings so I could fly
And gave me a song to color the sky
And all I have is all from You
And all I want is all of You
It's grace, your grace
I'm nothing without YouYour Grace, Your grace
Shines on me
I'm nothing without YouYour Grace, Your grace
Shines on me
And there've been days when I've walked away
Too much to carry, nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years You've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
Too much to carry, nothing left to say
Forgive me Lord when I'm weak and lost
You traded heaven for a wooden cross
And all these years You've carried me
You've been my eyes when I could not see
And beauty grows in the driving rain
Your oil of gladness in the times of pain
Your grace, Your grace
I'm nothing without You
Your Grace, Your grace
Shines on me 2x
I'm nothing without You
Your Grace, Your grace
Shines on me 2x
oh yeah
Shines on me, shines on me
Your Grace Shines on me
Shines on me, shines on me
It's Your grace 2x
Your Grace Shines on me
Shines on me, shines on me
It's Your grace 2x
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Songwriters
SMITH, PATRICK JOSEPH PAUL / JAMES, BRETT / JAMES, LEANNA
SMITH, PATRICK JOSEPH PAUL / JAMES, BRETT / JAMES, LEANNA
Read more: Michael W. Smith - Grace Lyrics | MetroLyrics
Sunday, 25 May 2014
Double Exposed
DOUBLE EXPOSED
“Every parent’s secret dread is a dodgy child,” says
Angela Buckland, as her 9-year old clambers happily onto husband David’s lap,
then pokes compulsively at the top of his head with a pencil. She’s smiling when David leads the child
firmly away, but tears film her eyes.
It’s Angie’s combination of candour and caring that
gives her words, like her photographs, such power. Both are caught between the covers of an
extraordinary new book out this month, Zip
Zip My Brain Harts, with commentary by Stellenbosch psychology professor
Leslie Swartz, his research assistant Kathleen McDougall and Human Sciences
Research Council (HSRC) researcher Amelia van der Merwe.
In the foreword justice Albie Sachs, who lost one arm,
links the book’s conception to the “democracy of the disabled” that he joined
in 1990, when he was asked to advise on advancing the rights of the disabled,
and confronted his condition for the first time. The book was born seven years later – with
Nikki.
“He was our first child and we were euphoric, “says
Angie. She was 35, a respected
photographer, and her architect husband, David, was 40. “We’d been married for nine years, we had a
dog, a house; this was the natural next step, he says wryly. Angie had a perfect pregnancy culminating in
a home birth with a trusted midwife. “But
after a few hours the labour stopped.” A
dash to the hospital followed, and 36 draining hours later, Nikki arrived.
“Though Nikki weighed just 2,7kg, he seemed fine to us
but we did not realise what we were in for.
Nikki was a fussy baby, who hardly slept, but a paediatrician gave him
the all clear at 10 days, and two months passed before their midwife suggested
something might be amiss, and recommended a homeopathic doctor. “It was when the doctor told us to take Nikki
immediately to a specialist paediatrician that alarm bells went off”.
Endless tests and consultations with geneticists and
other medical professionals did not even bring the comfort of a diagnosis:
Nikki’s disability has no name or known cause; he’s simply described as “low
functioning.” “It was all so alienating,
so terrifying,” says Angie. “From having
them carry our baby off screaming to take blood from his jugular (no other vein
was big enough), to answering endless – painfully intimate – questions about
our families and ourselves. No one
wanted to comment.” The first real
guidance she and David received was when one specialist gave them the number of
a mother of a severely disabled child. “She’d
put her kid in an institution, a route we would not go”.
It was another parent who provided what Angie and
David felt was the best way to proceed.
“Jenny Buckle, a Cape Town
mother of autistic triplets, had researched all possible approaches, and
concluded the best is to try to recover your child with intensive tutoring and
stimulation. Parents themselves can’t do
it – it’s too gruelling and we need to focus on parenting.” says Angie.
She found two young tutors and arranged for a retired
psychologist friend to train her and David in methods most helpful for Nikki. His biggest problem is non-compliance. He won’t listen and is tactile defensive; he
struggles with sensory overload.
Nikki responded so positively to the intense behaviour
modification programme that he was able to attend an ordinary preschool for a
year. But when other children progressed
he lagged behind, missing all major milestones.
At 9, he still has the mental ability of a 3-or 4-year old. “One of the hardest parts of having a child
like Nikki is accepting there can be no proper “recovery” says Angie
softly. It’s learning to let go, and
just do your best”.
Snap
Snap
As one mother puts it in the book, “I mean, I think
our son is so handsome and then the doctor just ripped apart his face: “He has
all these dimorphic features. His eyes
are widespread. He has no bridge on his
nose. His ears are too low. “I felt like I wanted to wring my own neck
because I would look at my son and find myself thinking, oh, my God, he does
look like that”
In a carefully researched but unusually empathetic
commentary, Swarz, McDougal and Van der Merwe say that parents frequently find
the medical way of seeing and dealing with disability dehumanising. This feeds into insecurities and fears –
mothers especially are under great social pressure to produce a “perfect child”
as part of what is seen as the “women’s” role.
But while we’re brought up to believe medicine and
science should be able to fix anything, they say, the reality is that doctors
cannot cure everything. What doctors’
often then do is “try to do more and more investigations to find a cause or
cure when they suspect – or even know – this quest is hopeless. Or they may protect themselves from a sense
of hopelessness and despair by trying to cut off emotionally.
“What we need to learn from, “conclude the
researchers, “are those encounters where somehow both the parents and the
doctor get it right – where it’s not about fixing problems, but about working
together in a constructive, respectful and helpful way.”
Until then, the formal medical approach leaves parents
confused and emotionally bereft. It may
also encourage the age-old idea of disability as flawed and freakish.
“But what if disability were considered ordinary?” the
researchers suggest. “What if it was
considered not so much a sign of incontrovertible difference, but just one
among many differences that there are already between people?”
It’s this sense of the extraordinary as ordinary that
Angie set out to capture in her second series – photographs of clothing made or
altered to hide children’s differences, but also to help them cope with their
physical challenges. Instead of shooting
garments like this as objects signifying otherness, “perhaps even shame,” Angie
opted for a more practical approach. “I
was very aware of the notions of idealised childhood in Pampers and chain store
ads.”
For the third and final set of photographs in her
book, Angie worked with her family and five others to interpret different
aspects of their lives with disabled children.
“Everyone’s situation is different depending on the severity of the
diagnosis” she says. “The only certainty
is uncertainty”.
Singed
Wings
In varying degrees, however, every family must deal
not just with the gruelling daily challenge of parenting but with guilt and
blame. “Family members start looking
down on you”, says one mother. “I have
had some look at me and say, “What did you do when you were pregnant?”
Then is the sorrow for what might have been. As another parent put it “It’s not just the
grief of losing the child you dreamt of, but also the parent you dreamt you
might be”.
What has been described as the “trauma of dashed
expectations” is more complicated than grieving for a child who has passed
away, say the researchers. “The child
who has “died” for parents of disabled children is imaginary, so they do not
get the ritualised community support that people receive when someone actually dies”. Instead they’re often encouraged to focus on
the “specialness” of their child, to the exclusion of expressing emotions like
anger or frustration.
“But you learn to survive – you have no choice,
especially when you have a second child”, says Angie. Nikki’s sister Christine was born 18 months
after him, and is “whole and bright and very beautiful. This is all hard enough for her, and it will
get harder when self-consciousness sets in.”
Already she must contend with disapproving stares as
Nikki barks in public and runs out of shops with sweets stuffed down his
shirt. In academic literature, say the
researchers, parental grieving was understood to progress through shock,
denial, anger and depression before acceptance with “realistic caring for the disabled
child.”
But it is no longer believed to be a simple linear
process – the stages may not always run in the same order, and they may return.
“Nikki is so dear, but living with him is a work in
progress, says Angie as Nikki flits by.
Adds David: “Sometimes I see him as an angel from heaven that singed his
wings on the way down”. All they and many
parents in their position want, they say, is for their children to be accepted
and acknowledged, and have access to support, resources and occasional respite.
“We once holidayed in the fishing village of Arniston ,
where the local community embraced Nikki like one of their own, taking him off
to play”. On the night we left, the
village kids came and sang songs about their own problems, like poverty and unemployment,
just as they’d shared in ours. There’s
nothing more healing than honest exchanges and empathy” says Angie.
Sunday, 18 May 2014
A Challenging Sunday
Sunday 18
May 2014
When one is in full time long term care
giving (33 years to be exact) – it becomes necessary to learn how to navigate
life – over and above the normal daily stuff – all over again, from day to day to day.
Care giving is a full-time job. It is exhausting – physically, emotionally, financially,
socially. Finding time to take care of one’s own needs is not always an option. We literally haven’t had a decent
holiday in all these years…
Today Sunday
18 May 2014 I had a reality ‘attack’.
I had moments of overwhelming fear about our
reality we face on a daily basis –
the exhaustion we have to deal with from day to day… feeling so very alone to
the point of thinking and believing that we’ve been abandoned by mankind on our
journey? Worried about the effort/hours/energy we both have to put into earning
enough money to keep our boat afloat – salaries, nappies, medical, school fees…
the future
There are countless tasks to attend
to when caring for another person, and at the end of the day there is rarely
time for other relationships. Caregivers often find that their relationships
suffer because they cannot find time to tend to them. Caregivers therefore need
family and friends who reach out to them, unconditionally.
Yes,
honestly – on a day like today I feel that we have been abandoned. I believe that I put so much effort into
building and maintaining relationships. But why is it that I (on a day like
today, when I have such a great need for support/intersession/reaching out), just
don’t feel at liberty to phone someone and ask for some kind of support? I went
cycling midday today (had a good long ride), I was crying as I was cycling up
hills today. It felt like a condensed version of my life in the moments I
battled uphill (heartbreak hills?). And yes I felt sorry for myself, I cried
for me… in fact I thought terrible
thoughts today. Tania Clarence in London also crossed my mind...
Getting a break. We need a break. We desperately need
a serious break. But how? And with what?
Guilt. Between bathing, dressing,
feeding, cutting hair nails – fighting athletes foot, worrying about Markus not
sleeping – balancing the budget, and all the other odds and ends that go along
with taking care of a disabled adult person, I often feel overwhelmed. The urge
to quit is common, as well as the feelings of guilt that inevitably follow if
you think that you should spend more time with your disabled children. Caregivers
confront, over time (with less intensity as time passes), the living death of
the child not growing into the adult we dreamt about, working hard to make peace with the ‘broken’ dream, as well as the
ebb and flow, of the sometimes intense unplanned grief. "It takes reaching
out" – and to reach out takes a whole lot of effort in itself.
Experts use the term "caregiver
burden" for the on-going low frequency emotional and physical stress of
providing full time care to a severely disabled family member. In short, the
burden remains squarely, on the primary caregiver. Caring for a disabled child
is a highly demanding, tiring and emotionally exhausting job.
Tuesday, 6 May 2014
Anke & Markus – Mitochondrial disease
Mitochondrial diseases are a group of disorders relating to the mitochondria, the organelles that are the "powerhouses" of the eukaryotic cells that compose higher-order lifeforms (including humans). The mitochondria convert the energy of food molecules into the ATP that powers most cell functions.
Mitochondrial diseases comprise those disorders that in one way or another
affect the function of the mitochondria and/or are due to mitochondrial
DNA. Mitochondrial diseases take on unique characteristics both because of
the way the diseases are often inherited and because mitochondria are so
critical to cell function. The subclass of these diseases that have neuromuscular disease symptoms are often referred to as a mitochondrial myopathy.
1. Mitochondrial inheritance
Mitochondrial inheritance behaves differently from autosomal and sex-linked
inheritance. Nuclear DNA has two copies per cell (except for sperm
and egg cells). One copy is inherited from the father and the other from the
mother. Mitochondria, however, contain their own DNA, and contain typically
from five to ten copies (see Heteroplasmy), all inherited from the mother (for more detailed
inheritance patterns, see Human mitochondrial genetics). When
the mitochondrion divides, the copies of DNA present are divided randomly
between the two new mitochondria, and then those new mitochondria make more
copies. As a result, if only a few of the DNA copies inherited from the mother
are defective, mitochondrial division may cause most of the defective copies to
end up in just one of the new mitochondria. Mitochondrial disease begins to
become apparent once the number of affected mitochondria reaches a certain
level; this phenomenon is called 'threshold expression'.
Not all of the enzymes and other components necessary for proper mitochondrial function are encoded in the mitochondrial DNA. Most mitochondrial function is controlled by nuclear DNA instead.
Mutations to mitochondrial DNA occur frequently, due to the lack of the error checking capability that nuclear DNA has. This means that mitochondrial disorders often occur spontaneously and relatively often. Sometimes the enzymes that control mitochondrial DNA duplication (and which are encoded for by genes in the nuclear DNA) are defective, causing mitochondrial DNA mutations to occur at a rapid rate.
2. Defects and symptoms
The effects of mitochondrial disease can be quite varied.
Since the distribution of defective DNA may vary from organ to organ within the
body, the mutation that in one person may cause liver disease might in another
person cause a brain disorder. In addition, the severity of the defect may be
great or small. Some minor defects cause only "exercise intolerance", with no serious
illness or disability. Other defects can more severely affect the operation of
the mitochondria and can cause severe body-wide impacts. As a general rule, mitochondrial diseases are worst when the defective mitochondria are present in the muscles, cerebrum, or nerves, because these are the most energy-hungry cells of the body.
However, even though mitochondrial disease varies greatly in presentation from person to person, several major categories of the disease have been defined, based on the most common symptoms and the particular mutations that tend to cause them.
3. Inheritance patterns
Because mitochondrial diseases (diseases due to
malfunction of mitochondria) can be inherited both maternally and through
chromosomal inheritance, the way in which they are passed on from generation to
generation can vary greatly depending on the disease. Mitochondrial genetic
mutations that occur in the nuclear DNA can occur in any of the chromosomes
(depending on the species). Mutations inherited through the chromosomes can be
autosomal dominant or recessive and can also be sex-linked dominant or
recessive. Chromosomal inheritance follows normal Mendelian laws, despite the fact that the
phenotype of the disease may be masked. Because of the complex ways in which mitochondrial and nuclear DNA "communicate" and interact, even seemingly simple inheritance is hard to diagnose. A mutation in chromosomal DNA may change a protein that regulates (an increase or decrease) the production of another certain protein in the mitochondria or the cytoplasm and may lead to slight, if any, noticeable symptoms. On the other hand, there are some devastating mtDNA mutations that are easy to diagnose because of their widespread damage to muscular, neural, and/or hepatic (among other high energy and metabolism dependent) tissues and because they are present in the mother and all the offspring.
Mitochondrial genome mutations are passed on 100% of the time from the mother to all her offspring. Because the mitochondria within the fertilized oocyte is what the new life will have to begin with (in terms of mtDNA), and because the number of affected mitochondria varies from cell (in this case, the fertilized oocyte) to cell depending both on the number it inherited from its mother cell and environmental factors which may favor mutant or wildtype mitochondrial DNA, and because the number of mtDNA molecules in the mitochondria varies from around two to ten, the number of affected mtDNA molecules inherited to a specific offspring can vary greatly.
Monday, 5 May 2014
Solist and Choirs: Ukuthula
Ukuthula - peace/silence - on this earth of sins - saviour - to overcome - to believe - receive consolation - to say thank you - gratitude...
Courage
Jos-1:9 Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage!
Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. GOD, your God, is with you every step
you take."
Isa-35:4 Tell fearful souls, "Courage! Take
heart! GOD is here, right here, on his way to put things right And redress all
wrongs. He's on his way! He'll save you!"
Mat-9:21 She was thinking to herself, "If I can
just put a finger on his robe, I'll get well." Jesus turned--caught her at
it. Then he reassured her: "Courage, daughter. You took a risk of faith,
and now you're well."
Mat-14:27 But Jesus was quick to comfort them.
"Courage, it's me. Don't be afraid."
Act-15:32 Judas and Silas, good preachers both of them,
strengthened their new friends with many words of courage and hope.
Php-1:28 not flinching or dodging in the slightest
before the opposition. Your courage and unity will show them what they're up
against: defeat for them, victory for you--and both because of God.
Tit-2:15 Tell them all this. Build up their courage,
and discipline them if they get out of line. You're in charge. Don't let anyone
put you down.
Sunday, 4 May 2014
Donderdag
09 Januarie 2014
Ek het laasnag ‘n droom gehad. Ek en ‘n
paar manne vriende was oppad na die een of ander bestemming, ons het onder
andere onderdeur ‘n aquaduct gery en die
pad wat ons gery het, het diep in die aarde in geval, so asof ons deur ‘n tonnel
ry wat al nouer en nouer en dieper raak – en ek was nogals claustrophobic. Nietemin het ons anderkant uitgekom en op die een
of ander hoë gebou se balkon beland – vandaar kon ek laer af op ‘n ander vloer
– ‘n rowwe ou met tatoes sien, hy het op een plek stilgestaan en was besig – op
die oog af met iets onaanvaarbaars wat gelyk het of hy die een of ander dier
mishandel – ek het hom berispe en hy het stadig in ons rigting omgedraai en ek sien
toe dat hierdie man krippel was (gebroke was?).
Saturday, 3 May 2014
Rou van 'n kind wat sterf...
Ek lees nou elke week n verskeidenheid
tydskrifte, danksy ‘n geskenk om dit aanlyn te kan doen. In Huisgenoot van 17
April 2014 lees ek die artikel oor Rick & Kay Warren se seun se dood
(P108/9), wat my laat dink aan ons eie situasie met Anke en Markus. Kay Warren noem
dat die mense wat met hulle empatiseer – se wêreld het nie op ‘n ‘’aaklige,
katastrofiese manier’’ tot stilstand geruk nie. ‘’Hul lewe gaan aan…’’
Professor Rabe van US sê ook ‘’na enige verlies
is ‘n mens se lewe nooit weer dieselfde nie, en na die verlies van ‘n kind
verander die ma en pa se hele identiteit’’.
Ons kinders is altwee ‘’dood’’ (nie letterlik
nie maar figuurlik), toe Anke so omtrent 2 ½
jaar oud was. Op hierdie dag, omtrent 30 jaar gelede – is ons meegedeel
dat Anke en Markus erg gestremd is, dat hulle nooit normaal sal ontwikkel nie (ten
spyte daarvan dat ons seker in erge ontkenning geglo het hulle is en was en sal
oukei wees – tot en met die oomblik van hierdie waarheid?).
Dit was op daardie dag – oppad terug uit Randfontein
Potchefstroom toe, dat ons wêreld op ‘n aaklige, katastrofiese manier tot
stilstand geruk is. Ons moes langs die pad stilhou vir wat na baie lank gevoel
het, ons kon netnie ophou huil nie. Ons lewe is en was eintlik nog maar altyd,
van daardie dag af, betreffende Anke en Markus – soortvan half in die lug,
onvas, onseker, party dae gevul met ongelooflike vrees soos ons ouer en ouer
word.
Ons het ons droom kinders op daardie dag van
waarheid verloor. Ons het daardie dag onwetend deel geword van die vreemde
subkultuur van gestremdheid en die wreedheid van die lewe jeens andersheid. Jy
word ongevraag deel van hierdie subkultuur se vereensaming, verwerping, selfs
minagting. Dis soms ‘n daaglikse geveg om nie tweedeklas te voel nie, om by te
hou met alles bekostig – hulp, weggooi doeke, medies. Die landskap van wie en
wat ons is verander steeds elke dag, die konfrontasie deur jou daaglikse
realiteit is soms meer as oorweldigend.
Die verlies van ‘n kind aan die dood
(letterlik), is verskriklik.
Die verlies van ‘n kind wat jy vanaf konsepsie
opgedroom het en dan verloor jy daardie kind net toe jy dink alles is en sal oukei
wees? en in sy/haar plek is daar ‘n vreemdeling wat nog nooit vir jou ma of pa
kon sê nie? dis ‘n langdurige eensame rou proses van ‘n ander kleur… dankie aan
‘n ieder en ‘n elk wat ons met liefde, genade en geduld liefhet en saam met ons
stap
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